I wait for you always
by whenvampiresdon'tsuck
Summary: "She loves him more than he'll ever know. He loves her more than he'll ever be able to show." A one-shot about Damon and Elena set after 4x18.


**A/N: Just a little ****story I wrote today. I know I don't capture these two as magically as many others do, but I really wanted to write this. They are the only ones who inspire me now. This story rushes very through the Cure and Klaus thing. I don't care for that storyline and I didn't quite know how to write it. So that part I know is a little rushed. I wanted it to be about the bond between Damon and Elena. Their feelings. The story switches POV ca. in the middle, I think its easy to notice where. Anways, please read and review!**

* * *

_«Can't you see, that when I find you_

_I'll find me_

_I need you to know_

_Today, I wait for you always_

_I need you to know _

_Today, I wait for you always.»_

* * *

In my over 145 years walking this earth I've not attendend one single school prom.

I don't do prom and crosages.

I don't do high school and teen drama.

Yet here I am. Tuxedo and all. A pink flower in my right hand.

And I've been at it for over a year. This isn't my first high school dance and this is the normal amount of drama.

All for a girl.

_She is a special girl indeed._

* * *

Elena is standing by the mirror in her room, fixing her hair.

Yes, her room. She doesn't want to sleep in mine anymore.

It's okay.

I rather not have her there, worrying about her trying to kill me in my sleep.

Yes, that's where we are now in our somewhat twisted relationship.

Friends, enemis, lovers. We've been it all.

Right now I don't quite know what we are.

«You're lurking.» she says and turns to me.

«It's what I do best.» I smile, I can't help it when I'm with her, humanity or no humanity.

She turns to the mirror again.

«Why are you going to this thing anyway?» I ask, start walking towards her.

I stop behind her, lay a hand on her shoulder.

Its almost a reflex.

She doesn't say anything nor does she move.

«You don't even feel» I say as I remove the hand.

She turns around, lays her hands on my chest.

«I want to have fun.» She emphazises every word.

«Booze, fun. Dancing, fun. Girls in dresses and boys in tuxedos, yummy. Therefore, Prom equals fun.» She smiles devishly.

Unfortunalty its starting to get too familiar.

I don't respond.

A part of me agrees with her.

But this is not _her_.

«I have something for you»

«Don't worry, I didn't pay for it.» I joke. Just so she knows that I remember.

She gives me this look I can't read.

I take the crosage out and places it on her arm.

I smile at her, she actually smiles at me.

Then she stares at the mirror again.

«Can you zip up my dress?»

Seductivly is the only word to describe her voice and smile and actually her everything right now.

I gently put my hands on her back, let one of them rest there ligtly at her skin. I breathe out slowly. My fingertips burn at the feeling. I slowly zip up her dress.

Its like I can reach out and grab the tension that is surrounding us.

Our eyes meet in the mirror.

I sigh.

For a split second I feel like those eyes are filled with emotion. That Elena is fully back.

It vanishes. They are blank again.

She steps away from the mirror and starts trying on shoes.

I feel out of place.

«So you're wearing a tuxedo.» She starts.

I roll my eyes, just like an old habit.

«I guess that means you're escorting me to this thing»

I can't read her, it's impossible. I can't tell if she's happy or mad or if she just doesn't care. Its probably option three.

«Actually, we both are.» My brother comes walking in, Elena huffs.

«One Salvatore on each arm. Great.» she rolls her eyes at us both.

No one says anything, Stefan just stands there with his hands in his pockets.

«When did you two make up anyway?» She asks.

We are still staying silent.

«Did you do it just so you could team up and fix «Poor Elena»?»

She walks by us without waiting for an answer.

Stefan follows her shortly after and I just stay there for awhile.

Dreading the night ahead.

* * *

The car ride is awkward to say the least.

Of course it is.

I slept with Elena, Stefan used to. Elena has no emotions and is bored with both of us. And resent us in a way. She just doesn't care anymore. And yeah, she threatened us with a killing spree if we don't behave. Never a dull moment.

Not much to talk about or maybe too much.

When we arrive the school, Elena just stops by the entrance commanding us to each take on of her hands. She wants to make an arrival.

She wants to make _the_ arrival.

Now I'm the one who's bored.

To quote Blondie, Seriously?

* * *

Turns out prom isn't that much fun.

Or maybe its me that's getting boring.

I feel like an old lurker in the corner watching all the girls. That one kid that has to repeat over and over and goes to prom after prom. Pathetic.

But that's why I'm here, watching Elena. Making sure she doesn't do anything radical.

Now she's just spiking the punch, on her way to drunkville and dancing like a mad man.

A normal teenager.

The old me would find this incredibly entartaining, be turned on even.

But that would be it the girl was the old Elena.

Now i'm just worried.

Because the girl before me reminds me of the old old-me. The one with no emotions. The one who was drunk all through the seventis and the eightis. The one with no remorse and no inhibitions.

The guilt will come. I know it too well.

The music slows down.

Everyone grabs the one nearby.

Slow dancing. How insanly gross.

But I look at Elena. She is standing alone. I'm utterly shocked.

She looks human. She looks vulnerable.

God, I love her. Its all that I can think.

I make my way to her, stroke her arm from behind. She turns around and faces me.

«Can I have this dance?» I ask, almost bow as I smile to her.

She isn't smiling at all.

«Do you think that I still love you?» She asks spiteful.

«I feel nothing for you, Damon.»

She starts walking away from me. I see her grab Stefan and drag him to the dance floor.

I stand on the sideline watching them dance, their bodies closely together.

It makes me feel sick. Why wouldn't it?

All my securities is still nagging in my mind.

I watch them lock eyes. I watch his hand on her lower back. I watch her kiss him.

Right now I hate my brother again. A part of me hates her a little too.

I don't know that she does it because I've already gotten too close.

So I leave. Stefan can babysit.

* * *

They turn up an hour after I get home.

I'm sitting in the living room sipping to a glass of my favourite bourbon.

The one I used to share with Ric.

I've never felt more lonely.

She looks smug when she sees me. Stefan looks sad.

I don't say anything just toast them on my way upstairs.

Some wil say I'm acting like a kid.

But I say, they started it.

* * *

I don't sleep that night.

I miss her laying next to me.

I miss just simply talking to her.

* * *

By sunrise Stefan comes knocking on my bedroom door.

He looks lost.

«For what its worth, I'm sorry. I was caught in the moment.»

«Okay.» I just answer.

I can't really be mad at him. I fell in love with his girl.

«I love her, Damon.»

«Not like you used to.»

* * *

«I guess you're mad at me?» Elena is standing in the doorway.

I shrug my shoulders. Why should I show her how I feel?

I gain nothing with that.

I'm fairly sure I won't be the one who's able to bring her humanity back.

She sits down at my bed.

«I don't have feelings, Damon. Not anymore. Not for you, not for Stefan.»

She is totally calm. No smug face, no bitchy smile.

«You've made that clear. » I say and walk towards her.

She stands up, takes a few step to where I'm standing.

«Emotions or not, I still feel a connection to you.» She whispers the last words.

She looks sincere. I almost believe her.

Elena is standing right infront of me now, her hands at my chest.

I stand still. I want to touch her. I want to kiss her, I _always_ want to kiss her.

And then I want to throw her back at my bed.

I always want that too.

«And I still find you ridiciously attractive.» She smiles, goes for my buttons.

I pull away.

Something shifts in her eyes. It looks like someone just slapped her.

«Oh. So you don't like me this way either?»

«What are we, Elena? Twelve?» I spit the words. I'm getting tired of this. Her trying to seduce me.

She probably wants something.

Most likely for me to stop looking for the cure.

She huffs at me. Proves that she in fact might as well be twelve.

I start wandering around my room, I feel frustrated, tired. Old even.

That I'm caught in this dance that never ends. Problea after problem just piling up.

«You remember what you said on the island? You said you didn't want me to get cured.» Elena breaks the silence. I meet her gaze.

I stop.

«I was selfish. I'm selfish.»

I sigh.

«I was afraid you wouldn't love me as a human» I don't know why I say it, it won't matter now anyway.

She doesn't care.

She sits back down at the bed.

Clearly she isn't planning on leaving anytime soon. I wish she would, it physically hurts to see her like this.

«It was real, Damon. You and me.»

Her words surprises me.

She has apparently switched to emotional blackmail instead of sex. I don't know which one I resent the most.

«You don't know that.»

«I might not feel anything now, but I still remember how I did feel. And I loved you.»

It pains me to listen to this.

Not only is it past tense, but it mist likely was an illusion too.

Damn that fucking sirebond.

«And I know that you love me. Don't you want me to have the things I want? Don't you want me to be able the person that I want to be?»

Oh this is definetly emotional blackmail.

«I'm just looking out for you. I know how much it will suck to feel again. How the guilt will consume you.»

I'm on repeat. I hate people on repeat, I have clearly joined the darkside.

I walk among those suckers now.

She looks to the ground. All of a sudden she looks fragile. Proabably another illusion.

I don't know what to believe anymore.

In glimpses I see the old Elena. The one who cared. And right now she is sitting at my bed.

If only for seconds.

«Don't go to this dark place I can't follow.» I suddenly say. I still have the ability to even surprise myself.

She is on her feet in no time. She is back to being the new Elena now. The one who rub me the wrong way for the most part.

«Why can't you?» She asks.

«You can switch it off too. We don't have to feel, we can just _be_.» She emphazises the last word.

I've been thinking about it too, I can't lie. It's tempting. Her and I living on the edge forever. Together. Having fun and being carefree.

But I remember the girl I fell in love with, and she wouldn't want that. And deep down I wouldn't either. I talk the talk, but I'm not always prepared to walk the walk.

«You don't want that.» I say out loud.

«I don't want that.» I add.

She looks irritaded. Again.

Apparently I rub her the wrong way too.

«You told me to switch it off, remember? And now you hate me.»

«I wanted to help you. You were hurting.»

I want to yell.

«And I don't hate you. Even though you are a bitch.»

She just laughs.

«You won't be able to come back if you go any further. The pain will be too great and the guilt too unbareable.»

I lock my eyes with hers.

«And you won't be able to resist me for much longer, Damon.»

She huffs and leaves me.

Neither of us got what we wanted.

* * *

Again, I don't sleep.

I can't seem to get her out of my head.

* * *

She shows up again in my room the next day.

I immidiatley see what she's after.

She is more like me than she will ever care to admit.

And I have to admit that I want it too.

I'm only a man.

So when she starts unbuttoning my pants I don't stop her. I kiss her.

I give in to her.

I'm selfish remember. I take what I want.

Right now I want her.

Every bone in my body (except one) tells me that this is wrong.

The little voice in my head, that always sounds suspiously like Stefan, is yelling now.

It's funny how I always pretend to be so fucking strong all the time.

Did I say funny? I meant pathetic.

I am weak. She has seen it.

«I want you.» She whispers in my ear as I push her up against the wall.

This build up frustration I've been carrying inside is slipping out of me now.

I'm letting go for a moment.

And I find myself enjoying it. Of course I do.

I still love her. I still want her.

She nips at my ear as I slowly push her dress up. My hands on her tighs now, her skin burning. She moans loudly as I thrust inside her. I feel her wimper. We are still standing up against the wall.

This is a old fashion fuck. Vampires who just lets the desire take over, the want.

Every alarm is continuing to blink red.

Still I let myself drown in her. Still I let her win.

Because she does that now. Wins. She gets me to do what she wanted. She has me right where she needed.

She knew I would give in.

Elena without emotions love «I-told-you-so» just as much as the human one.

I don't care right now.

I've missed the feeling of her.

She kisses my lips forcefully as I go deeper inside of her. I know she is close to the edge, I can't wait to push her over. I groan against her skin, she moans louder.

And then she tips over and I enjoy the sight of her letting go.

Then I join her and we both breathe out.

She is smiling, still catching her breath.

«I love you.» I simply say.

And before she gets to just leave me there, I walk out.

* * *

I barely see her for the days that follows.

And it's okay.

She hangs out with her new bff, Rebekah.

I on the other hand spend my time with Stefan.

Planning, plotting. Failing really.

«She will be miles away by now.»

«She is probably in Europe.»

Stefan sighs.

«New Orleans actually.» Blondie comes crashing in. Big smile plastered on her face.

Her presence already annoys me.

«How do you know that?» Stefan asks.

«Oh, I overheard Klaus talking with his brother. Katherine is in New Orleans screwing Elijah.»

Stefan makes a weird noice.

«Are you sure?» I ask, need progress.

She nods as I stand up. Ready to leave for New Orleans.

«Let's go, brother.»

He stands up too. Caroline stops us.

«She doesn't have the cure anymore. Klaus has it.»

I sit back down. Back to planning.

* * *

I don't know how the hell we are going to get the cure from Klaus.

But we have to move fast.

If Blondie has gotten all the facts right, he soon will give it to Silas.

If he hasn't already done it.

So we have to do it right away. Without even knowing where it is.

Hopefully he is as bad at hiding things as we have been in the past.

The plan is simple really.

No hidden agendas this time. No doppelgangers or humans to screw things up. No grand scheming.

Our whole plan depends on Klaus's ability to feel, to care.

And pure lust of course.

Simple, raw emotions

In addition we have to rely on Blondies seduction skills.

Oh boy, I think we're screwed.

* * *

I don't see Elena before I leave the house.

It bothers me.

Cause I have a bad feeling.

* * *

It takes me one hour to locate the cure.

He hid it under his pillow. Pillow!

The big bad hybrid king is actually worse than us.

Maybe his feelings for Caroline is clouding his mind worse than Elena has a tendecy of messing with mine.

What matters now anyway is that we have the cure.

I just don't know what I want to do with it.

* * *

Elena is in the living room when I come home.

She is reading a magazine. She looks bored.

I stand there looking at her. Gazing or what they call it.

The sunlight from the window frames her face perfectly.

My hand is holding the cure tightly. It's like its burning a hole in my pocket.

I still don't want her to take it.

I want her to _want_ to turn the switch back on. I want her to feel again all by her own. In her own tempo. I want to spend forever with her. Both of us vampires.

On the other hand, she won't be able to handle much more guilt. And for every minute she is like this, the pile will get bigger.

I know how that feels.

«I know you're lurking» She says and drags me out of my own thoughts.

I walk to her, still with my hand securly around the cure.

«What can I say? You bring it out.»

I think I see a smile.

I grab two glasses and fill them with my finest bourbon. I offer her one, she looks confused but takes it.

We sit there in the silence for awhile.

She reading, I gazing.

«Do you really still love me?» She asks.

I'm taken aback by the question.

I study her face. I have so many questions.

It gives me no answers.

«Yes.» I simply answer.

Don't know what more to say to her.

«You stopped loving Katherine when she was like this.»

«No.» I start.

«I didn't stop loving her because she was a vampire. Or a bitch. Or because she didn't have emotions. I realized what kind of person she had always been. That she didn't love me. That it was always Stefan...» I stop.

Look at her agian.

She has thrown the magazine away. All her attention is on me.

«And I saw what love truly should be. I just.. I fell in love with you.»

It hangs in the air between us. Almost like a promise.

Or a curse.

She just stares at me. I can't read her face.

That girl is a mystery.

«With you I...» She blinks.

«I felt free»

I almost stop breathing.

«You made me feel free»

I have no response to that.

But she isn't finished.

«Now you are making me feel trapped.»

«You want me to be someone else. You want to cure me.»

I sigh.

«I thought you didn't have emotions.»

She laughs. Like I just told her a joke.

«I don't. And it's pathetic how you think I do.» Her voice is cold again.

She has these crazy mood swings, to be honest they terrify me.

«Do you wanna be alone forever?» I ask her. My voice cold too.

«You are pushing everyone away now.»

She sets her eyes in me.

«Its right out of the Damon Salvatore playbook.»

I won't play this game. Not now.

I want her to care again.

«Do you know how I got my humanity back?» I ask her calmly.

She just shrugs her shoulders. Doesn't care or pretends to. Probably the first, but I so desperatly want it to be the second.

«You brought it back. Slowly, gradually. I didn't even notice at first.» I tell her slowly, with all the emotion I can bring out. Because this is important. It's important to me.

«You brought me back.»

She looks down. Again, I can't read her.

It frustrats me.

I move a little closer to her. I'm not sure she even notices.

«I'll fight for you.»

I close my eyes for some seconds.

She almost seems spechless.

I'll have to do the talking then. She can listen. Maybe it will make her feel something. Anything. I just want her to have one small reaction. A tiny feeling. Is that to much to ask?

I know somewhere inside her she is still hurting. I know she still thinks about Jeremy's death. I never stopped thinking about Katherine. Or even Stefan. She won't be able to shut the thought of Jeremy out forever. When she lets it in, I'll be there.

«For what it's worth, Elena, I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere.I won't just leave you because you think that's easier.»

She opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it and stands up instead.

«I promise.» I whisper.

I think I see tears forming in her eyes, she seems to blink them away.

I don't know if its an illusion.

She just walks away.

I get a tiny flash of hope again.

* * *

Stefan comes home soon afterwards. After being Carolines bodyguard.

He watched her house, ready to step in, be the hero.

As if he could do anything anyway.

But the plan worked.

She distracted him long enough, didn't even have to kiss him.

And I have the cure.

We go outside to talk. Hopes Elena doesn't hear us.

«You got it here?»

I nod.

«So what are you waiting for?»

He looks at me.

«Let me think» I say.

«What is there to think about? We have it right here.»

«And what do you propose we do? Tie her down and force feed her?» I almost yell, but manages to keep it down.

«It's not like you haven't done it before» Stefan says and I want to punch him in the face.

«Low blow, brother.»

I can see that he regrets it.

«I'm.. I'm sorry»

I'm not ready to let all of this go. The anger.

«When you look at her you see all of _your_ mistakes. You feel guilty. For letting her die, for her becoming like this. At the same time all the old guilt comes back every life she takes, that guilt grows inside you. You don't want her like this because you are selfish.» I breathe out.

«And above all, the thing you feel most guilty about. That stings every time you look at her, is the fact that you can't love her like this. You don't love her as a vampire.»

Stefan looks sad.

«At least not like you did.»

He looks down, I can tell that I hit a nerve.

«I love her now like I did when she was human.» I emphazise every word.

«But can't you see that the longer she is like this the worse it will be to bring her back from it? And that if we do manage to get her back, the guilt will consume her?» He asks, rightfuly so.

«Don't you think I know that?»

«But she doesn't want the cure and I'm starting to really dislike the idea of taking a choice like this away from her.» I say.

We will never agree on this.

«You are just afraid. Afraid that she as a human again won't love you.»

I shake my head.

«We've already established this, Stefan. You can't wrap your head around the idea that Elena actually can have feelings for me. That she can actually love _me_! »

«You just want her cured because you believe she will come right back to you.»

He doesn't say anything to that.

«Love isn't supposed to be like that.»

He sighs.

«Maybe you're right»

«Well, I'm hoping she wants it all by herself. That she misses being human, it's a strong emotion..Or I hope she'll turn it back on. Be a vampire with her humanity intact.»

He looks frustrated.

«But we don't have much time, Damon. Klaus will find out that the cure is missing. And he'll come for it.»

I know that.

«But lets just think about this for a little while.»

He nods at last.

I give him the cure. Tell him to hide it.

Afraid of what I'll do to it if I know where it is.

* * *

He comes the next day. Klaus.

I'm all alone in the boarding house.

He grabs me, takes me for a trip. Vervains me.

I wake up in his living room, tied up.

Fun times.

I guess he is going to torture this out of me.

Too bad for both him and me that I don't know where the cure is.

«I know you stole something from me, Damon»

«You only have yourself to blame. Under the pillow, Klaus? Really? You're loosing your evil touch.»

Then there is time for torture. And more torture. It goes like that for awhile.

«I don't know where it is.» I say over and over, a big smile on my face.

He gets angrier and angrier. A vein on his forehead looks like its ready to explode.

He shouts that Silas will kil us all.

Frankly I don't buy it or even care for that matter.

«I'll kill you.» He yells.

«Then you'll never get it.»

* * *

I walk out of there alive.

I can't seem to decide if I'm happy about that or not.

* * *

I, Elena Gilbert, am a vampire without emotions.

Or at least that's what I want to be.

I'm trying very hard to keep it that way.

Because I know I can't handle the things that will come to surface if I fail.

I try to distance myself from Damon.

He tries to lure my humaity out.

I feel myself lowering my guard around him more and more.

I'm fighting it.

But it's hard.

I feel connected to him. His words affects me even though I try to pretend that they're not.

I remember how good it feels to kiss him, to touch him, to be with him.

I remember loving him.

A part of me misses it.

* * *

One day he comes home when I'm standing in the living room.

Our eyes meet across the room.

Time stands still for a moment.

I have to look away and leave the room.

I don't notice the tear in the corner of his eye.

* * *

The next day we meet in the kitchen.

He smiles at me.

Just a simple smile is all I get.

I don't care.

I don't want to care.

I'm beginning to realize that those two things are completly different.

* * *

I continue to avoid him, doesn't see him for some days. It's difficult when you live in the same house.

A part of me thinks about moving out. Find somewhere else to live. Maybe leave this town all togehter.

But something's holding me back.

I don't care to admit it, but I know exactly what it is.

Who it is.

* * *

After a week without speaking I approach him.

I just can't stay away anymore. He is like an addiction. Over the past year I haven't realized how much I've come to rely on him, how much I depend on him. I am addicted. Emotions or no emotions, I can't shake him.

He is sitting in the coach drinking whisky. I sit down next to him, try to start a conversation.

«Can you just go?» He asks irretated.

It surprises me. I don't know how to respond. But I don't go.

He looks pale. More than normal.

He seems off, like he is hiding something. And he probably is.

Isn't he always?

But its different now.

He seems sick or whatever. Vampires don't get sick.

For the first time in a long time I'm actually concerned.

«Are you okay, Damon?»

He nods.

I don't know what makes me do it, but I reach out and touch his arm.

He pulls away fast, like I have a disease. He stands up and for the first time in a while, he is the one to leave me.

* * *

He comes knocking on my door later that night.

Stands in the doorway with his arms crossed, tells me he's sorry about before.

I invite him in, he stands in the middle of the room, holding something in his hand.

I see it now.

«You gave this to me.» He says, looks so sad.

He puts Jeremy's ring in my hand.

I cringe at the sight of it.

«Why did you keep it?» I feel my feautures harden, my voice is cold.

«Are you still trying to bring back my emotions?» I'm still frozen, my body isn't moving at all.

He just looks at me. Devestaded, careful, humanlike. I cringe at that too.

He is trying to tear down my walls. And I would be lying if I said they weren't starting to crack.

«I had this picture of me and Stefan from when we were kids. Its before our mother died. We look happy, carefree reminded me of a simpler time. A better time perhaps. Where we were brothers, best friends. After I turned off my humanity I tore it up and threw it away. With the idea of never looking back, never care for him again. Now, I would do anything to have that piece of paper back. Just to have that memory in my hand. One day you will want to have something that belonged to Jeremy.»

He sounds like an old man.

Sometimes I forget that he kind of is.

It feels like my whole body is shaking. I get the urge to cry.

«Why are you doing this?» I whisper.

«Why can't you just let this go?» _Let me go._

He holds my gaze, I shiver.

«Maybe I love you too much.» He whispers, looks down.

In a way he looks defeated. In another he looks... Free.

Yeah, he looks free.

I hold my breath. He starts to leave. I want to say something that stops him.

I don't.

But I realize something as I see him leaving

Gradually he's been bringing it back.

My humanity.

It's fighting it's way back now and I'm on the verge of giving in.

_I feel._

* * *

My night is sleepless.

I go out in the garden.

Sit outside in the darkness.

Try to push all the feelings away. Bury them deep, deep down.

* * *

I never go back to the house, by sunrise I leave for the Grill.

Sit there and drink.

Try to drown my sorrows. I really am a lot like Damon.

Maybe more than I'll ever realize.

Caroline and Stefan comes for lunch.

They look like boyfriend and girlfriend. She touching his hand and arm more than once. He laughing and smiling like he never did with me.

I don't care, I almost smile a little.

They deserve to be happy.

But then I overhear something they're saying. And I don't know what to feel.

I leave without them seeing me. I have to talk to Damon.

He's been keeping something from me.

* * *

I find him in his bed. Weak, pale, sweaty.

The sight way too familiar.

I rush over to him. I want to scream, I want to cry.

My hands are shaking as I touch his skin.

«Damon?» I whisper.

He coughs and opens his eyes.

«I've done it this time.» He reach out and touches my face.

I start crying. Can't control it any longer.

«Please tell me this isn't what I think it it.» I plead.

Even though I know that it is.

«Klaus bit me.»

«Or it was more like a little peck. He wanted it to go slowly. At least that spared me for the worst hallusinations.» He coughs again. Blood this time.

«I know you have the cure.» I say, still crying.

«He told me if I gave it back to him, he would give me his blood.»

«So why don't you?» I yell.

He breathes slowly.

«I want you to have it.»

I start shaking my head at him.

«I don't want the cure. Can you please understand that?»

«He won't give me his blood if I give him the cure anyways. He will let me be his example of what happens if someone tries to defy him again.»

I lay down beside him. Rest my head at his chest.

I cling to his shirt. My hands shaking.

Images flashes before my eyes. Jeremy. The life vanishing from his body as I held him. How I could feel his last breath. Like it was my last too.

The air leaves me once again as I look at Damon.

All my emotions are back now, my humanity intact again.

He brought it back little by little. Some days I didn't even notice it.

And all I really want to do is to turn it all off again.

The pain is so overwhelming. It's like my head is exploding with pure grief.

All the hurt of everything and everyone I've lost is back.

And now I might be loosing him too.

«I love you» I whisper inbetween the tears.

He manages to turn his head a little towards me. I see surprise filling his eyes.

He touches my cheek, wipes away the tears there.

«I feel again. This isn't an act.» I say, I want him to believe me. I need to badly.

«And I can't loose you, Damon. I love you so much.»

He kisses my lips softly.

«I love you too.» He whispers, still with his finger on my skin. Wiping away every new tear that comes.

A thought is dimming in my mind. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

«I need you to tell me where the cure is.»

«It doesn't matter, Elena.» He says, voice weaker than before.

Time is running out.

«Yes, it does!» I almost shout at him.

«You can take it.» I start, sit up in the bed.

«You can be human. You will be cured. A human won't die from a werewolfbite.»

I know this will work. He will be human. I won't loose him. I won't loose another one I love.

I can't bare to even think about it.

«I don't even know where it is. And I wouldn't take it if I did. I want you to have it.»

«Stop being so selfless, Damon.» I say

«And stop lying to me.» I start crying again. Can't seem to stop for more than a minute at the time.

«I honestly don't know where it is. It probably won't even work on me. I want you to have it. I want you to grow old, get married and have small stubborn Gilbert kids. I want you to have all of the things I know you wished for» He takes my face in his trembeling hands.

We are both silent. He is smiling. I am crying.

«Just please don't marry Matt Donovan.» He says.

I want to punch him. Punch him so it hurts.

«Don't make jokes now.»

He is still smiling. I can see the life vanishing from his body. Slowly, but at the same time fast.

«I don't want to be human without you. Nothing matters then.» I whisper, I barely have a voice left.

«I'm nothing without you» I sob, resting my head on his shoulder.

«You are everything.» He whispers, his fingers plaing with my hair.

I close my eyes.

«Everyone will be happy that we don't end up together.»

I can't believe what he's saying. The desire to punch him is back.

«People don't know.» I say firmly.

«No one knows. They haven't seen us. They haven't seen you when it's just the two of us. They don't know and I don't care.»

«Caroline...» I start.

Caroline. Stefan.

I jump off the bed, rush to find my phone.

I have to call Stefan. Can't believe I haven't done it sooner.

I manage to tell him everything between my loud sobbing.

My head so full of agony I can barely see straight.

I sit down with my back against the wall as I hear Stefan's voice tremble.

But he gives me what I want, he tells me where to find the last thing that might save Damon.

Of course he does.

* * *

I rush back to Damon with the cure in my hands.

He has manged to halfway drag his body up, he is sitting in the bed now. Clearly rady to fight me for this.

I won't loose this one.

«Here it is.» I say.

«And now you're going to take it.»

He shakes his head at me.

«Take it. Please» I'm pleading.

He breathes in and out. Ready to fight. Ready to refuse to drink.

But he is weak, its not much will left in him

His body gives in and he falls down at the bed and coughs up more blood.

I know what I have to do.

I'll just have to force feed him. He can hate me for it all he wants. But at least he'll be alive.

«I love you.» I cry and lay down with him again. Still with the small bottle securly in my hand.

«I love you too. So much I think you'll never know..» He coughs up more blood.

I can't stand to seem him like this again.

It rips at my heart.

His eyes shuts and this deja vu is the worst I've ever experienced.

It's almost funny. Just that its not. Not at all.

Is it even legal to go through this much pain? Is it legal for two people to have so much bad luck or whatever you should call it?

Well if it is, it shouldn't.

No one deserves this.

I've done my share of bad things. Horrible and cruel things even.

And God knows he has too. But we don't deserve this.

He's about to die now. Minutes left.

I lay my fingers on his lips, opens them. He is still breathing, but his eyes are closed.

I empty the bottle in his mouth.

«Please, swallow it» Both of my hands on his cheeks.

And to my relief he does.

I kiss his lips.

Then I feel his last breath, it punches me in the stmoach.

He wasn't supposed to stop breathing. I start to panic.

I was too late.

I shake his body. Nothing.

He is really dad.

«No, no, no» I say over and over, cling to his now wet shirt.

«I love you, Damon.»

«You hear me!» I yell.

Starts punching his chest.

He was supposed to be human now. Alive.

«I love you, I love you, I love you.» Tears are clouding my eyes.

«You promised..»

«You promised not to leave me.» I whisper to myself.

A minute passes, it feels like a lifetime.

This is how it's going to be now. Every minute will feel like days and the emotions of all the losses will consume me and eat on me from the inside. He won't be there to make it better.

I can't recover from loosing him. I just can't.

There's only one way out of this.

I only see one option.

As I'm ready to turn it all off again, his blue eyes flashes open.

I throw myself opon him, cling to him as I lay my head on his chest.

Tears are still flowing as I kiss him.

«I promised» He whispers, his voice weak.

He has a heartbeat. He has a pulse. He is human.

And I still love him. Like I've never loved before.

«I knew it was real» I whisper.

He is human and there is no more sirebond.

We are free.

I still love him. It was real. Like I always knew it was.

Now he knows too.

«I love you too.» He whispers. I barely hear it, his voice still so weak.

But right now, somehow, for maybe only a moment, we are the lucky ones.


End file.
